Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
