i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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