3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
