if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
