now i know why i became what i already was.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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