addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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