Michael Bay diarrhea
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
