I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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