I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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