Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
