are you still at the devil's house?
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
