Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
