Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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