i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
