drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
