Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
