i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
