U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
