Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
