So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
