I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
