i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
