My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
