why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
