who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
