I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This baby is an asshole
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
