i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
