This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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