I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
