I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
