I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
