Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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