Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
