I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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