she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
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