I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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