he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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