shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
