Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
