I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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