singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
