Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
