I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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