My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
