my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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