She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
