This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
