Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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