i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So vagazzling was a success
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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