he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize