so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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