I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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