i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
