i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
