Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
