you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
