my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
