My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
