my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
FUCK WHALES
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
