She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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