I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
