so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
