I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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