the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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