I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
