Betty ford says i'm here all night
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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