I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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