They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
