from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
there's paper in my vomit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
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she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
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Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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