just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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