smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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