You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
