Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
