Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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