In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
