I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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