I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
