Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
