it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
